If you let others control your money, you're leaving your financial destiny in their hands
Learning how to step into your money power and creating financial independence for yourself does wonders for your self-esteem.
I truly believe that nothing strengthens your core power and self-confidence like learning how money works and how to make and manage money. I went through a divorce in my twenties and although I had always been very independent, I must admit that I worried about making it on my own. So many of my friends enjoyed two household incomes, and I was about to embark on a solo money life. Would I make it?
As a child, I often daydreamed. During dull days full of disappointments, I would travel to different planes in the far reaches of my mind. Music was the only remedy in those times; the exit door to a world of facts and rigid rules; it was a way for me to detach myself from all five senses; of my surrounding. With time, my romanticized perception of reality shaped me into becoming the amorous idealist that never ever wanted to grow-up; a word quite frightening to me—even to this day.
I have always been an avid journal writer. Ever since I can remember, I loved getting a journal and writing in it. I'd write anything and everything.
But in this post I'd like to talk about how journaling can help you manifest your ideal life. I had used journaling to manifest my ideal mate by writing out the qualities I'd like to have in my relationship (see my last post on YZL).
The body can be compared to a car in the sense that it requires regular maintenance, servicing, good fuel and care to operate optimally and survive the bumps and unpredictable turns that the journey of life can take us through. Imagine if we tried to go about our lives driving a car around without a stable foundation…with one wheel missing, it would be an unbalanced and uncomfortable ride to say the least! Likewise, if our bodies don’t have a solid foundation, we’re not giving our bodies a fair chance to run to full capacity…driving us toward happiness and health!
Nearly everyone gives their power away every day without even realizing it. Our power is what allows us to create the world and life we want. To give our power away is a practice of pretending to not be responsible for our own life. It would be like having a baby, and treating it poorly, ignoring it, and pretending it didn't matter. Except in this case, we are the baby that is being mistreated, ignored, and being told we don't matter.
A question I am often asked both in and outside the therapy room is, ‘what is so bad about being a perfectionist?’ Why this question is asked, is often the result of a misunderstanding of what perfectionism means and looks like. When I see perfectionism, I see the year 12 student who is crying because she received 98% on her exam. I see the man who didn’t chase his dreams because he was scared of not being the best in his field. Or the girl who is striving for the perfect body at the expense of her health and relationships. The perfectionistic picture is not a happy one.
Perfectionism is perceived as being equal to happiness, success and achievement. Through society, the message that is communicated to us is that the more perfect you are, the happier you will be. Through obtaining the perfect job, car, test score, friends, house, body, and partner, you can achieve everlasting happiness. What we are not told about perfectionism, is that there is a difference between aiming to be perfect, and striving for excellence. Perfectionism is about wanting to meet your goals to please or impress others, whereas striving for excellence is about achieving your goals to please yourself.
With perfectionism, you are setting yourself up for failure even before you’ve started putting in the hard yards. You are chasing what is essentially an unachievable outcome as being perfect is a concept, not an attainable destination. What makes us interesting are our flaws and the fact that we are constantly learning, evolving and growing. What is also problematic about perfectionism, is that one’s self-worth is based on the ability to achieve the unrealistic goals. This means that the perfectionist will place all their self-worth on their capacity to perform and achieve at this high standard. If these are not met, their confidence and sense of worthiness are considerably battered.
I’ve also heard people with perfectionism say, ‘but having these standards works to motivate me.’ In reality, perfectionism only works to push one to keep up the unrelenting high standards they have set. This can cause a life-paralysis and result in demotivation. I have seen wonderful, talented people become paralysed by their fear of not reaching their impossibly high standards. Instead of serving as a motivating factor, perfectionism has actually worked to prevent them from excelling. In other instances, I have had clients who have managed to come close to, or have reached their lofty goals. What has resulted though has not been happiness or contentment. Instead I hear them describing feeling burnout, stressed, depressed and anxious about maintaining this standard.
So what drives and underlies the perfectionist mindset? Inherently, there is a fear of inadequacy. There is an anxiety that their flaws will be discovered and that the ‘truth’, that they really are not good enough, will be revealed. There is an idea that to be less than perfect is to show vulnerability, which is ultimately a sign of weakness.
While perfectionistic mindsets can be challenging to shift, there are strategies you can implement to reduce the hold of your perfectionistic mindset and behaviours.
1. Identify the downside of maintaining your perfectionistic mindset. Assess what areas in your life you are sacrificing in order for you to meet your perfectionistic goals. It may be impacting your physical and mental wellbeing, interfering with your relationships and preventing you from engaging in things you once enjoyed. Be clear on what you want your life to look like and what happiness means to you. Often my clients find that perfectionism has prevented them from achieving a sense of peace and happiness, opposed to bringing them closer to it.
2. Recognize which perfectionistic standards and beliefs are problematic and evaluate them logically. Is it really necessary to check your work four times before sending it through to your boss? And if there was a mistake, what would be the worst possibl
As a child I was a dreamer. No doubt about it. I dreamt of being famous; perhaps an actor, musician or even a radio star! As I grew the dreams continued, although they became worldlier. After overcoming depression and realizing I could help others do the same, I suddenly dreamt of changing the world; helping everyone learn how to love their most precious selves. Be able to accept themselves unconditionally. It was my dream.